Bittersweet - D&M

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Tumultuous times can bring the biggest lessons.

We don't often understand why events occur, or we don't want to.

I feel like there is so much noise and clutter that results when something tough happens, and we can get so overwhelmed with emotions. Whether you experience anxiety or not, it is never easy to make sense of the cards life deals us, alone.

I'm lucky. I have a select few people in my life that will force me to see things in a different perspective. Even when I don't want to. Even when it seems impossible.
They take my mess, and help me find a meaning for why the mess occurred. 

Life isn't always fair. There are so many things we wish we could change. But I'm grateful for the people that show me that hope exists, regardless of the extremity of mess. Regardless of how impossible the situation. You cannot replace the level of care it takes to do that for a person, and I will never take it for granted.


One of the things I have learnt the hard way recently:
We cannot shut people out.
If you're on a train, never let someone ride with you, unless you intend on explaining the sights along the way. Talk about it. Regardless of how daunting the mess is outside the window, be open to communication.
And if you decide to get off, do not leave that person on that train without an explanation. Don't wait until it's too late.

And, harder still, this:
Relationships - romantic, friendly or a simple interaction - exist for one of two reasons:
To fulfil you. Or to teach you.
Whether you win, and ultimately get what you wanted.
Or you lose, and are left to sort through the mess & find meaning for it.
As hard as it is to accept, "to love and to lose" is the next best thing.

People come into your life for a reason. I have always hated this saying. When mess occurs, you hear it from anyone and everyone. It becomes hard to believe.
I still struggle, but it is something I am slowly learning to accept, with help from people that care.
No matter how messy the situation, there is something to be learnt from all who come and go.
A bittersweet exchange.

Whether it's to remind you not to make the same mistakes over again, whether it's to show you that you are worth more than you thought, or whether it's to help you realise how you should be treated.
Whatever it is, the next best thing to fulfilment, the next best thing to winning, is a lesson learnt.


To those without people to push them to find silver linings in life-mess, I say this:
You are not alone. Take what you can from what you've got.
Even if you find one small, seemingly insignificant lesson from the situation, take it. Be grateful for it. Grow from it. Let it influence you, teach you, and give you strength.
Let it be a reminder that your story isn't over yet.

J x

Changes and Endings - D&M

"Everything’s magical when its snows, everything looks pretty. The clothes are great. Coats, scarves, gloves, hats...Do you know the best things in my life have happened when it snowed?...I feel good. Tingly...

When I was five, I had a really bad ear infection and I had been home in bed for a week and I was very sad. So I wished really hard that something wonderful would happen to me. And I woke up the next morning and it had snowed. And I was sure that some fairy godmother had done it just for me. It was my little present.
Of course, many years later, I realized that logically, the snow was not there for me personally. But, still, when it snows, something inside me says, ‘hey that’s your present.’ I don’t think it’ll ever change" - Lorelai Gilmore

Though it doesn't snow in QLD, I've always felt I could relate to what Lorelai was saying.
I've always looked forward to the shift in weather, not only for the obvious more desirable climate and better fashion options, but because of the promise of positive change.
Change can be scary. I am not a fan of change. But I feel like Winter has so many positive associations with it, that over the years, it has become a marker for when my life is going to go into reboot. A positive reboot.
For everyone else, New Years is when this occurs... not for me. 

The day I wake up and feel the distinct chill in the air, the smell of the cooler morning, I know it's time.
It's not quite Winter yet, but the change has started.

I went for my usual afternoon walk yesterday, and this is what I saw:

The beauty of a Winter sunset is unlike any other during the year. There is something special about that sky when it gets colder. It's like the universe is showing you that it's ready for change, and it's giving you a little sneak peek.
This moment, right here, where the sun is just about gone. Where there are slivers of light fighting through the clouds. Where colour explodes and beauty takes over.
It is one of my most favourite moments in life, ever. The late afternoon, my most favourite time of day, coupled with one hell of a cold-day-sunset. I feel good. Tingly.

I take this as a sign from the universe, that change is coming.

The sunset is of course an end to a day, and the cooler temperature I woke up to is an end to Summer. But there's more to it, for me.

It's the world giving me my own little present.
Showing me that there can be an end to whatever negative things I want to leave behind. That good things can, and are, to come.
Just when I think I cannot handle any more, just when things start piling up and I begin to get overwhelmed, the universe is sending me a present to remind me not to give up. To breathe. That hope exists.
To let go of the things/people getting me down, and that there are things/people to look forward to in the future.
The end of the bad, The change to good.
My positive reboot.
 
So thanks, Universe, for my present. It could not have come at a better time.

J x